Tuesday, February 25, 2014

An interview with a small, green hero.

Me:
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have with me today, Arlo, one of the heroes of the SciFi comedy series, 'Arlo and Jake'.

Arlo has been described as a mean, green, gnat-eating machine. He's reportedly responsible for heroically saving half the star ships in the Federation of Thirteen Galaxies, the FTG. He's saved the skin of his human partner on multiple occasions. And he's currently the love interest of alien lizardoid females across half the known galaxies.

Arlo:
What do you mean 'reportedly', Butthead. By the way, if Leeta hears about the other ladies from this, I'm coming back to chew your eyeballs out. Leeta, you're my only love, trust me!

Me:
Arlo has graciously brought with him a cool looking thought-transmission device, or TTD for short, so that we can talk more easily. Arlo is telepathic but evidently, my 'mental capacity' isn't sufficient to communicate without it. Thanks for the TTD, Arlo.

Arlo:
No sweat, Dude. Focus a little more, would you, I'm having trouble with your accent. Tap on the red button to boost the output. Man, I forget what mental midgets humans are.

Me:
Uh, right, sorry. Well. Hello, Arlo, and thank you for stopping by to talk with us. Can you tell us how you met Jake, your human partner?

Arlo:
Well, actually the whole story is classified information, Pilgrim. What I can tell you is that before this all happened we were enjoying the good life on the beach in Port Aransas. Beer. Brats. More sand flies than I could eat and nothing to do but sit on the patio, watch the waves and the beach bunnies.

Then Captain Starla, Nanel and Betzel showed up. Three bombshells in bikinis on the beach; Jake didn't stand a chance. Caught like a deer in the headlights, so to speak.

Me:
So the officers of the star battleship 'Triumph' just showed up and asked for volunteers to join the FTG  Space Navy, right?. Did you and Jake volunteer right then?

Arlo:
Volunteer? You outta your mind, Buckaroo? They conscripted us right off the patio of Jake's beach house. Whoosh. One minute we were basking in the hot Texas sun, the next we were floating in an over-sized Jacuzzi filled with slimy goo in the Triumph's medical lab.

Course, we didn't know at the time that the goo would reset our DNA and mess with our grey matter. I don't think Jake handled it all that well either. Being buck naked in a tub of bubbling goop, staring out at Pixie, was a shock to say the least.

Me:
'Pixie'?

Arlo:
Yeah. Lieutenant Tillet. She's a Spritezoid and Captain Starla's right hand gal. Petite, pink haired bundle of energy. Jake gave her the nickname 'Pixie'. You'll see why in the story. Anyway, she was assigned to help Jake and I get indoctrinated into the fleet.

Me:
Wow, getting transported onto a star ship must have been awesome, Arlo!

Arlo:
Actually, the whole 'scoop me up and drop me into a bucket of goo' scared me, uh, witless. And at that point, I didn't have a lot of wits to spare!

Me:
What do you mean?

Arlo:
Dude! I'm a Panther Chameleon. You know, 'Furcifer Pardalis'. Back then, my noggin' was still filled with 'oooh, tasty flies' and 'hmm gotta find a place to go bad. eh, this spot will do'. Get it? Little ole me was still a happy, carefree, dumb as a stump lizard, who just got snapped up and dumped into a bowl of bubbling buffalo snot.

Me:
I see. So when did you become 'aware', so to speak.

Arlo:
Really? You want to give away all the good stuff in this interview? You're dumber than a pine post, man.

Me:
Sorry, wasn't thinking. So. Let's wrap up this interview on a positive note, shall we? In book one, 'Arlo and Jake Enlist', we read how you and Jake enlist to fight for Earth and other planets against the evil 'Galactic Houses of Aquinoxous' or GHA. This alien federation is scouring the galaxies, wiping out all terran life forms, and then 'aquaforming' the planets for colonization. They are led by the warrior 'Octozoid' species. Huge, tentacled... ah... well the reader will find out in book one.

Arlo:
That's right. We kick some Octozoid butt, man, and ... ooops, almost gave away the goods myself! Let's just say me and Jake have a bang up adventure, meet some sweet girls and, well, we are 'heroes' after all.

Gotta run. Just got a message from the Triumph, there's some trouble in the T'otCeeRoll galaxy, all leave has been cancelled. We can chew the fat next time I'm in the neighborhood.

Me:
That's too bad... Oh, he's gone. Nice trick. I thought chameleons were slow. Huh.

Well, that's it, folks. I've extended a invitation to all the crew of the Triumph to stop by whenever they pass this way.

Till next time.
Be cool.
Be happy.
Be the Bee.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Outlining is a pain!

How much time have you spent outlining your current block buster novel? Couple 'a days? A few weeks? More?

I'm working on the outline for book 3 of the 'Arlo and Jake' humorous SciFi series. It's a bitch. A cold-eyed, coal-hearted, unforgiving son of gun. It's definitely not as much fun as writing the story. It's kicking my ass and I'm sore. I had a good bit of it done and it's doo-doo. I have to rethink at least half of it. Arlo was not a happy camper with his parts, not enough wise cracking or adventure.

It amazes me how much blood, sweat and beer it takes to sketch out a good story. It should just flow like wine from my imagination, right? I hear and read about writers that sit down and just 'let the characters tell me their story'. Really?

For me it's more like digging molasses out of a jar with a toothpick. My characters are laughing at me the whole time. 'Why should we tell you anything? It's your demented imagination, we just live here!'

Don't get me wrong, it's the right way, at least for me, to write. I've tried doing without; just letting my Muse take over and go with the creative energy sort of thing. Doesn't work all that well for me.
Sigh. I'm one of those 'slough through the brambles, choosing every wrong path possible until I find a clear way through the thorns' kind of guy.

If there is a stupid plot twist possible, I'll find it. I'll work it hard for days until I finally see that it's not going to work. Most of the time, I can't even remember why I choose this slant over any other more likely one. I'm thick, slow and prone to dumb ideas.

But. Without the outline, I'd be wasting all that time writing myself into corners and throwing away all that fine literature!  At least with the outline I can 'see' where the story is going and backtrack before it's a total waste of time and karma.

Well, back to it. I can hear Arlo chewing Cajun gnats and snickering in the background.

Be cool.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Big kudos to James Paddock for 'Elkhorn Mountain Menace'!

This is a blatant plug for Mr. Paddock's thriller 'Elkhorn Mountain Menace', a book I review on Amazon and in my review section here on the blog.

I love Mr. Paddock's writing style, plot development, character generation, pacing... ah hell, I'm envious of all the aspects of this book. Great characters, inventive plot, solid pacing, intelligent dialog (one of my struggles) that carried me to the very last page.

James has written the perfect book for me. Constant action, just the right amount of twists, great characters and wonderful bad guys. Natasha's not bad either. ;-)

Check out the reviews and get your butt over to Amazon or Barnes and Noble and grab this book.

Well done, James!